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I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me Goodbye to Brett & Hiromi of Panties Panties Panties fame.  The things you two wrote and the pictures you put up were awexome. I looked forward to reading you every day and you will be sorely missed. Your sense of humour made me laugh, your recipe posts made me hungry, and your pictures made me wish I had a mad collection of lingerie (I still wanted to see Brett in nothing but underwear and the Cthulhu mask!). Anyway, I wish you two the best in whatever it is you're up to now (probably more of the same, just no more writing about it). Hopefully we can keep in touch every so often over e-mail or something. Brett, Hiromi, I will miss your online personalities a lot. Your weblog brought a little sunshine to the ocean of the internet. Take care of you!  P.S. you'll have to let me know if you ever find a mushroom ottoman!  Commercials can be banned from the SuperBowl for being too risqué. This website shows one of PETA's commercials that is not allowed to be played at anytime during the SuperBowl next weekend. Personally, I think the commercial is rather amusing, although a little extreme. It does prove a good point though: milk isn't just all about the udders, there are actual animals attached to them and we need to respect them. The exposé that immediately follows the commercial is disturbing and not for the faint of heart, weak of stomach, or lover of animals. I couldn't watch all of it. I had to stop once the video showed the horrible death of a cow by the slicing of its neck. I am not ashamed to say that I sat at my computer sobbing because of the sight of this animal cruelty. I am also not ashamed to say that I am still crying. How can humans do this to animals simply because we seem to think that we are better than them? It's terrible. While I can't say that I approve of everything that PETA does, I am glad that they exist along with other groups who are looking out for those who cannot speak in voices that can be understood. Animal Rights: Fight For Those Who Cannot Fight! PETA's ad: Milk Gone Wild JeN's mind ejaculated @ 12:13 p.m. | | Girly moments come upon me unannounced. I get this strong need for arms around me, stroking my hair and someone telling me that I am loved and that everything is okay. I have the desire to be pressed up against someone else's (preferably male) warm body. I want that person to hurt me, to make me cry, to empty me of all thought and feeling. I want to sob and beg for the hurt to go away. I want every movement to be excruciating. Then I want quiet reassurance and tenderness as my wounds are caressed and I am cared for. Seems like quite a lot to ask for, especially when a moment comes along without warning. I was hit with one a short while ago and like most, if not all, of these moments, I can only deal with it and hope it soon passes. I haven't felt like writing lately, not because I've been too busy or too stressed, but just because I had nothing to write about. My life is going on as usual and I haven't done anything exciting lately. I went and saw "Underworld: Evolution" on Saturday and while I found it disgustingly bloody, I very much liked the movie and am looking forward to the third installment. While Angelina's got a bun in the oven, Kate Beckinsale shall be my new girl crush. My parents visited me yesterday and brought me groceries (yay!) and the puppies. They've gotten so big. They're losing their baby teeth so at the moment all they've got are their canines and little tooth nubbins everywhere else. It's sweet. I'm a little sad that I'm not around to see the girls growing up. Tomorrow they will be four months old and they're already pretty big; about the size of a Boston Terrier on the heavier side. I'd say Delta & Truffle weigh about 15 lbs each by now. The school year is advancing and it's around time that tests start happening. I had one last week and I've got another one tomorrow. Must get motivated to study. It's tough when I'm feeling girly and wanting snuggles. I want to curl up and cry. The moment will pass, they always do. I just have to stick it out. I always do. *stupid link of the day* Peter Pan's Home Page: some guy with a fascination for all things pixie. This is what my nightmares are made from. JeN's mind ejaculated @ 1:59 p.m. | | I can't stand it when people smoke. I think it's among one of the dumbest choices you can make in your lifetime. I know that a lot of people start when they are younger because of peer pressure or wanting to look "cool" but I still can't understand why they continue. Yeah, yeah... addiction. Addictions can be beaten. The fact that these people who smoke are readily aware of the fact that they are kiling themselves slowly with every puff revolts me. If you want to commit suicide so badly then why not do it quickly instead of murdering yourself slowly over years and years? My mom is one of those people who really get to me. She smoked for years, even while she was pregnant with me. I remember her quitting when I was in late elementary school and she stayed cigarette-sober for five to six years when, all of a sudden, she started up again. After another couple of years she quit once more, only to start again later on. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in October 2004 and she had to quit smoking while going through chemotherapy and radiation treatments. She finished her treatments in August 2005 and still remained sober. When I went home over winter break this year, my mom was in the backyard with the puppies and I opened the back door to ask her a question only to see her with a cigarette in her hand. I was appalled! How can you be so glad to have recovered so recently from one form of cancer only to dive headfirst into the possiblilty of cancer all over again? It makes no sense to me. I've never smoked, never even lifted one to my lips for a trial puff. The closest I've ever come was holding a smoke temporarily for someone when they needed to do something where they couldn't hold onto it. I've never even felt an urge to try it. The only feeling I get is this deep feeling of disgust in my stomach. I have friends who smoke. They know how much I don't like it and they always ask if I would mind if they had one. I usually lie and say that I don't mind. Instead I spend the whole time feeling ill and angry that they could do something like that to themselves. I am aware that I do have the option of saying that yes I do mind but I tend to make up for allowing the person to feed their addiction by making a snarky comment about how unhealthy cigarettes are for you. "If you get diagnosed with cancer I'm only going to show up at the hospital and say 'I told you so'." Two of the reasons this topic has been nagging at the back of my mind are my mom and Joey. I can't even find any words to say to my mom after she comes back into the house reeking like smoke. As for Joey, he knows how much I hate it and so he doesn't smoke around me ever, which I am grateful for. The smell, the taste, everything stays on you after you smoke. He seems to think I never notice but I always do, even if I don't say anything. I can even smell it on my clothes, on my skin, in my bed after he's gone. I wish I would be imagining it but there's no mistaking that lingering, staining stink. That sickly sweet smell comes out of your skin pores, especially when you sweat. It's always easier to tell who smokes during the summertime when you can smell it on their skin. I just get... angry... when I think about Joey smoking. I have no right to ask him to stop. I have no right to tell him what to do with any part of his life. He told me that he used to feel guilty doing it because he knew I hated it but he doesn't feel that way anymore. Every single time I smell it, every single time I taste it in his mouth (brushing your teeth and/or chewing gum don't work, I can always smell it) I think about leaving. Every single time that odour reaches my nose I think about telling him it's over. Why don't I do it? Is it because I love him too much? Is it because that I think dumping someone because you don't like one of their habits is a petty reason? Is it because a part of me is still hoping he'll quit? I have no right to judge how someone else lives their life. I know that I am nowhere near a model citizen myself. I do not mean to preach to the choir or get up on my soapbox and tell people what to do with themselves. All I know are my own personal likes and dislikes. My choices are my own and yours are yours. It's up to me whether or not I want to deal with your choices. If I don't, I always have the option of walking away. Cigarettes and illegal drug usage are things I will never understand the need for. I've never been addicted to any substance and I guess I should be glad for that. I sometimes wish I could understand. I sometimes wish I could tolerate. It just makes me so angry and heartbroken I could cry. A song by the Dresden Dolls about another kind of bad habit. One that I will admit to indulging in on more than one occasion. I've been tagged by Temptation, but I'm not tagging anyone else. Here are the rules: The first player of this game starts with the topic and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don't forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says 'You are tagged!' (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours. The following may not be weird to you but they are to somebody.
 a small picture mosaic to sum up my 2005 *stupid link of the day* With This Herring I Thee Wed: a British woman marries a dolphin in a non-legally binding ceremony. Whatever happened to flowers & chocolates being gifts of affection? JeN's mind ejaculated @ 4:44 p.m. | | Together, when she feels so full of love she could burst. She could have never asked for anything more than this feeling of bliss. Wrapped up in his arms she is complete. There is not a single thing wrong in the world. She can close her eyes and trust. He will protect her. Her lips curl into a smile as she raises her face to his. She bares her throat to him, her most delicate of places, placing her faith in the knowledge that he would never harm her. Alone, she questions her feelings. What is love? What does it mean to be "in love"? If she really doesn't know how to answer those questions then how can she be so sure she loves someone? People have written about this thing they call "true love" but if she doesn't feel exactly as the texts describe, is she really in love? Can fondness be similar to love? Do butterflies in one's stomach only indicate infatuation? Perhaps someone being among one's every thought only brings out obsession. Together, she knows exactly what she feels for him and nothing could shake her from that stance. She is in her place beside him and does her part to strengthen their bond. She is sure of herself and of her feelings. She does not question his feelings for her. She has never been able to do the whole "can you see yourself with this person ten years from now" thing but she isn't quite against sticking with him for a while (as hard as that is for her to admit). "Together" is a word that brings warm fuzzies to her soul. He makes her smile even when he's not near her. Alone, she picks apart every flaw. How can things work out when they are so different? Different places in life, different experiences, different different different. Her mother was right: people won't stay together if they don't have anything in common. Unimportant commonalities don't count in the longrun. Is that what this is going to end up being? Another failed relationship. It's not like she wants to get married or even settle down, she'd just like some stability. She wants it to last long enough so that her cynic will quiet down. The longer they stay together the more restless the cynic becomes. Is there anything he can do or say to shut her up? If he can figure something out she highly suggests it. Does she love him? Yes. How does she know this? She just feels it. How can she be so sure of what she feels. She just knows. How long will it last? She isn't sure. All she knows is that she wanted to be with him yesterday, she wants it today and she will want it tomorrow. Can he shut down her thoughts on this topic? Please do. *stupid link of the day* Money Origami: do you have more money than you know what to do with? either way, you can learn how to fold it into shapes other than "dollar bill". (thanks, danae) JeN's mind ejaculated @ 1:14 a.m. | | JeN's to-do list 2006 (in no particular order)
Happy 2006! Hoping everyone had a nice holiday and a lovely beginning to the new year. I got to spend some time at home with my puppies. They're still adorable as ever, even though being the daytime puppy-sitter is definitely not a fun thing. Pfeffer is still doing well and I can't stop spoiling that little rabbit! I got lots of goodies for Christmas. My mommy stocked me up on books so I've got a few good things to read for the next little while. I got some new pants, shirts, Hello Kitty pyjamas, movies, a necklace, thigh highs, and CDs. I got some delightful cow stuff from Joey's family, including slipper socks and Moosie the Caroling Cow. I think I have enough chocolate to last me until the end of 2006. Last night Joey and I watched "Madagascar" and petted Scooter. She seems to be in love with the duvet I got him. I think it's because it's fluffy like she is. She looks very prissy with the hot pink rhinestone collar I got her. What can I say? She deserves pink. When I came home, Pfeffer was not impressed that I smelled like cat so we had to have a nice long play time this afternoon with lots of celery to munch on. New Year's was pretty fun. I went to Andrea's and we were nerdy and played board games all night. I got to meet one of her co-workers and see some people I haven't seen in a while. Joey even came up to visit that night which was very nice of him (thanks, darlin') but I was a little miffed that he didn't want to spend the night. One bad part about the night was that two people I can't stand stopped by and they arrived with two people I do like. They left half an hour before midnight. Who does that? Anyway, we were all glad when those two certain people left (even though they took the two people I like with them... boo) and as soon as the door to Andrea's house shut we all screamed in frustration and rage. Now I'm back at school. My school seems to start earlier than most other ones and my first class is tomorrow at 11:30. One of my classrooms got changed. Now that class is in a building I've never had a class in before. This should be interesting. Anyway, I shall post some pictures and then I've got to get unpacking so I'm all ready for school tomorrow. me, Andrea, Sam & Lauren on NYE a NYE candid Pfeffy lying down bunny in a bag bunny in the house Pfeffy relaxing Pfeff munching on some lettuce Pfeffer stretched out Delta & Truffle sittin' pretty - Miss Delta's ear is inside-out! *stupid link of the day* Sperm Cube: some guy is freezing semen to make up a huge cube of it. He'll even let you donate to the cause. One question: why??? JeN's mind ejaculated @ 5:12 p.m. | |  |
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