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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Friday, July 30, 2010

Haven't died. Just gave up on this weblog. Too many issues. If anyone used to follow this, thank you and so long! :)
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 4:07 PM | | permalink
Monday, April 16, 2007

Naughty schoolgirls and schoolboys pub night was this past Saturday.

*stupid link of the day* Alibi Network: have you ever wanted to be somewhere but not get caught doing so? This website supports lying on all sides!
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 6:39 PM | | permalink
Wednesday, March 14, 2007

It's been a while. A very busy bunny I have been. I've had assignments and presentations out the wazoo. I've still got another presentation for my ethics class and a research paper on video games for my technology class and then come finals. Does it ever end? Well, in a way, I don't want it to end. I'm not ready to no longer be a student. I've been one for almost two decades now (I'm counting kindergarten) and it's really all I've ever known. I'm nervous.

Unfortunately, I must keep this short. Just wanted to let anyone who is still left reading this that I'm still alive. I've been visiting you all but I just haven't had any time to comment. I haven't even really had time to play my Wii! Twilight Princess is suffering without me. I did find out that there's a rumour going around that Nintendo may be re-releasing the Wii next year in different colours. I wonder if there's a way for them to transfer the hard drive. I wouldn't mind a black one or a lime green one.

Pfeff and I are still doing well. He enjoys reminding me who is boss. One hint: it's not me. The roomies, myself, and some other friends have a night planned out at a club outside of Toronto on the 24th. It'll be nice to get out of town for a while. I could use the fun. It's a pretty fancy place that caters to mostly a 25+ crowd. I'm glad there won't be any annoying nineteen-year olds squealing.

My self-imposed celibacy streak is still going strong. Anyone I even entertain the thought of ending it with just gets too annoying to even bother attempting. If only my mother would stop with the "there are other fish in the sea" spiel. I'm not looking for anyone. I won't be for a while. I'm actually pretty happy with being single. I'm more so worried about what I'm going to do after school is over. Worries never end.

*stupid link of the day* PikiPimp: this is one of the most fun photo editing websites I've ever played around with! I'm sure you'll spend way too much time here.
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 2:06 AM | | permalink
Friday, February 16, 2007 is in trouble with the Humane Society in the US. Sadly, I have a wishlist at Amazon and I can't believe they actually condone the selling of items such as these. I am debating over terminating my account now.

*stupid link of the day* Cinnabun's Story: okay, it's not really a stupid link since it's actually a very nice one. I am not able to read this little bun's story without bawling. I'm so glad it has a happy ending!
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 5:33 PM | | permalink
Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I don't like Valentine's Day for many reasons. One of those reasons being which it is a holiday that intentionally leaves people out and not because of differing religions. February 14th is just another jab in the gut to prove that it is socially unacceptable to be single. If you're not dating someone then there must be something wrong with you for no one to want to be with you. While the original reason for Valentine's Day was not to feel compelled to tell someone you love them, that is what it has become. It is also a gendered day. Women are not expected to get men anything, but we are expected to be greedy and demand material items and to be hurt and depressed if we do not receive anything from those we are involved with or if we do not have anyone to demand goods from.

It's hard for me to articulate the difficulties of being single to my roommate who has only ever had one boyfriend in her life and she is still with him. It is hard to explain in words of how someone who you put your utmost trust and faith in can reject you and everything you are, crushing you in an instant. She has never experienced that feeling of profound loss.

While I do appreciate the fact that she got me a February 14th gift, it's hard for me to say that I don't celebrate this "holiday" but to have her and other people continue to bombard me with Valentine's day items, even though all of them were very funny and sweet! I mean, we don't send Jewish people Christmas cards expecting them to just smile and sit through it. We don't expect Australians to set off fireworks on Canada Day. So why is it that a day like today, it is still seen as acceptable to press a celebration onto someone even if they do not believe in it?

Although it does seem trite to say that "every day should be Valentine's Day" instead of the idea of enforced affection that much of society is so fond of, to me, having a day specifically designed to make others feel like lesser beings just so that companies like Hallmark and Lindor can make big bucks irritates me and I choose not to be a part of it.

*stupid link of the day* Wiivenge: make them pay! so maybe be using this website as a personal venting place isn't quite what it was meant to be for
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 7:59 PM | | permalink
Thursday, February 08, 2007

Jenny Owen Youngs has written the best love song ever. It sums up every relationship I've ever had and probably the ones I've yet to have as well. If you'd like to listen to the song, I've uploaded it online, so just click HERE.

Fuck Was I - Jenny Owen Youngs

Love grows in me like a tumour
Parasites bent on devouring its host
I'm developing my sense of humour
Till I can laugh at my heart between your teeth
Till I can laugh at my face beneath your feet

Skillet on the stove is such a temptation
Maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burned
What the fuck was I thinking?

Love plows through me like a 'dozer
I've got more give than a bale of hay
And there's always a big mess left over
With the "what did you do?" and the "what did you say?"
"What did you do?" and the "what did you say?"

Skillet on the stove is such a temptation
Maybe I'll be the special one that doesn't get burned
What the fuck was I thinking?

Love tears me up like a demon
Opens the wounds and fills them with lead
And I'm having some trouble just breathing
If we weren't such good friends I think that I'd hate you
If we weren't such good friends I'd wish you were dead

Skillet on the stove is such a temptation
Maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burned
What the fuck was I thinking?

Love is so embarrassing
I'm this awkward and uncomfortable thing
I'm running out of places to hide
What the fuck was I thinking?
(You know that i've got what you want)

*stupid link of the day* Dog Poop Calendar: this is one wall-piece that would definitely draw attention.
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 10:57 PM | | permalink
Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Show some emotion for once! All I really wanted is something, anything, that would show he's not some sort of fucking robot. Again, I expected too much. I got nothing from him. I never did. I am so angry right now that I don't even know what words I could use short of pounding on my keyboard. All I want is for you to understand how you made me feel. I want you to hurt as badly as I did and still do. I don't know how you've stayed alive so long while being devoid of all feeling.

I hope you get an incurable disease while you're on vacation, you fucker! Even better if it's from your girlfriend! And that I get to keep your cat! Also, learn the proper use of the apostrophe!

I don't even care if he reads that. Yes, I am being immature and petty but it's my weblog and I can cry if I want to. So there! Besides, writing it made me feel better.
A Brief Illustration Of Woe

Love is introducing someone to your inner child (if you will pardon such a nauseating cliché). Love is taking the intrinsic part of you that is love, in its truest and purest sense, out of the armour-plated box. The inner toddler, to which Deceit, Betrayal, Hurt, Loss, Disappointment and Vengeance have no meaning. Love is letting him take that small child for a walk.
The depravity of the human heart is when he takes that toddler and pushes it gently in front of a freight train.
-- from Vicious Romantic @ Love Is A Cunt

Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson

Here's the thing we started out friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

You dedicated, you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get what I want
Since you've been gone

How can I put it?
You put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah, yeah
Since you've been gone

How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way


You had your chance, you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth, I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you've been gone...

*stupid link of the day* Don't Date Him Girl: "This site has been the subject of international media attention... a powerful online community of women from around the world... You will find informative articles about dating and relationships; advice to help you make better decisions in finding a man you love; a live chat area where members can exchange experiences in real-time and of course, the postings of hundreds of thousands of women who are creating a global sisterhood on the Internet!" (thanks, Lauren)
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 12:09 PM | | permalink
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