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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Monday, January 23, 2006

Girly moments come upon me unannounced. I get this strong need for arms around me, stroking my hair and someone telling me that I am loved and that everything is okay. I have the desire to be pressed up against someone else's (preferably male) warm body. I want that person to hurt me, to make me cry, to empty me of all thought and feeling. I want to sob and beg for the hurt to go away. I want every movement to be excruciating. Then I want quiet reassurance and tenderness as my wounds are caressed and I am cared for. Seems like quite a lot to ask for, especially when a moment comes along without warning. I was hit with one a short while ago and like most, if not all, of these moments, I can only deal with it and hope it soon passes.

I haven't felt like writing lately, not because I've been too busy or too stressed, but just because I had nothing to write about. My life is going on as usual and I haven't done anything exciting lately. I went and saw "Underworld: Evolution" on Saturday and while I found it disgustingly bloody, I very much liked the movie and am looking forward to the third installment. While Angelina's got a bun in the oven, Kate Beckinsale shall be my new girl crush.

My parents visited me yesterday and brought me groceries (yay!) and the puppies. They've gotten so big. They're losing their baby teeth so at the moment all they've got are their canines and little tooth nubbins everywhere else. It's sweet. I'm a little sad that I'm not around to see the girls growing up. Tomorrow they will be four months old and they're already pretty big; about the size of a Boston Terrier on the heavier side. I'd say Delta & Truffle weigh about 15 lbs each by now.

The school year is advancing and it's around time that tests start happening. I had one last week and I've got another one tomorrow. Must get motivated to study. It's tough when I'm feeling girly and wanting snuggles. I want to curl up and cry. The moment will pass, they always do. I just have to stick it out. I always do.

*stupid link of the day* Peter Pan's Home Page: some guy with a fascination for all things pixie. This is what my nightmares are made from.
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