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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Bounce sheets for couples should be invented in order to prevent "Static Cling". I found that article by Annalisa Burgos through a Google search and I think it rings true. I currently have two friends who have dropped off the face of the planet upon the accumulation of significant others. One friend in particular I've known since elementary school and, to this day, no one I know of has really had any contact with her in over two years, besides randomly running into her somewhere. Of course, when someone does run into her somewhere, she's always got her boyfriend in tow. My other friend has become so wrapped up in her s.o. that she ends up changing who she is as a person in order to better suit him and I and a few other close friends haven't really heard from her in months unless it's to talk about him or do something involving him.

"The difference between clinginess and a healthy relationship is the extent to which a significant other influences and controls your life. Clingy is when your existence is so intertwined in the existence of your partner that you have no life beyond him or her." There are couples where I knew at least one of the units as a single person, and there are couples where I've only met them while they were dating. Personally, I prefer the former because I find that I am more likely to keep a relationship with that person post-breakup. As for those friends you make while they are dating, the friendships become incredibly strained after the couple breaks up. If you spend time with one half, you feel like you are betraying the other half. How can you remain friends with both halves of a former couple? Is it actually possible to remain friends with both of them and not end up dropping one or the other down to acquaintance status? Is it ever possible to spend time in a group without things becoming a little uncomfortable?

When every aspect of someone's life involves their significant other, I start to question that person. We've all been single at one point in our lives. Why is it that some people, upon the accumulation of the coveted boy/girlfriend, we drop all that we used to be in order to accomodate this latest addition into our being? The way I look at it is that a significant other does not replace what is already in your life, but is just an add-on to what is already there. When you are with your s.o. during every part of your day, when do you get time to focus on yourself? When do you get the time to discover who you are?

"Take a moment to think about the couples you see who are always together. Have you ever known them as separate entities? Hell no. They would rather be caught dead than be seen without the other... It's like they are a single unit that cannot survive when separated." When you become known, not as separate people, but as a couple, that's where the problems start. To be considered not as Jane Smith, but as Jane-and-John, means that your friends no longer see you as just yourself. Is that when you start to see yourself as not just ME but as ME & HIM/HER? At this point, the "we couple" syndrome starts. Is it really considered a bad thing not to think about yourself all the time? No. In fact, it could be considered less selfish if your thoughts are also centering on another being besides yourself. The key words are "all the time". If you never think in terms of yourself, are you really living your own life? or are you living for someone else. When I'm speaking to someone and they start using "we" when talking about making plans and I ask who "we" is, they always seem shocked that I couldn't possibly know that of course it means "friend + s.o." The way we speak is directly affected by the way we think. There is more than a world of difference between "we" and "she/he and I".

"Clinginess is unhealthy and prevents the people involved from feeling true independence and self-reliance. When you are reduced to being known as part of a couple, you can easily forget who you are as a person and lose your sense of identity and individuality... So what's my point? Well, I'm not advocating an anti-couple sentiment; rather, I am advocating a separate-life sentiment. Lead your own life. Chances are, if your partner truly loves you, he or she will trust and respect you." Do things separately (work does not count) and it will give you more of a reason to talk to your s.o. about your day and what you've learned. It will give you a reason to love that person more because of how they love you for who you really are and not who you've become around them. Or at the very least, try to spend some time away from your s.o. like hanging out with friends solo and try to catch the way you speak. Are you complete on your own or are you only part of a whole? Remember: you're not going to ever find someone who can complete you because you are complete in your own right; instead look for someone who will complement you.

And here are the lyrics to a song about the "we syndrome" and getting out of an unhealthy "we" relationship.
The Veronicas - Everything I'm Not ~ lyrics | audio

And now back to yet another song from JeN's break-up playlist...
~CANADIAN MUSIC~

My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne

So much for my happy ending

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?

Don't leave me hangin'
In a city so dead.
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be


[chorus]
You were everything,everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it
And all of the memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending


You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[chorus]

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you care
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done


[chorus x2]

So much for my happy ending

*stupid link of the day* Willamettans Family Nudist Resort: maybe I'm a bit immature, but I thought it was funny that the url for this website involved the word "willies" since you'd definitely be seeing some of those at this resort! thanks to danae and Michael for this link.
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 7:05 PM | | permalink
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