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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Thursday, June 08, 2006

"Two become one" has never been a concept I've understood nor been particularily attracted to. The idea of becoming a single entity with my supposed significant other terrifies me. Why would you ever want to give up your sense of self just because you are involved with someone else? The world is romanticized and society hypes up the notion of there being one specific person out there for all of us. Personally, I find that very doubtful. If it is true, it is doubtful that any of us will ever meet our "One" simply due to restrictions of location, finances and beliefs. I mean, your "soul mate" could be of one religion while you are of another and even though the two of you would be perfect together it will never happen. Or it could also be that the one person put on this planet for you is straight while you are gay. Maybe your "soul mate" has died in a freak accident and you'll never ever meet them. Perhaps the other person has been born into royalty and you are just an average bob and you'll never get a chance to be with them anyway. I put too much thought into this.

Couples who suddenly lose all sense of themselves as two separate entities scare me. One thing that sticks out in my mind was at the wedding I attended last summer where, during the ceremony, the bride and groom had two candles lit which represented themselves as individuals. Using their individual candles together, they lit one big candle which was to signify their union as a couple into marriage. The amusing part was that after the "union" candle was lit, the bride and groom each blew out their individual candles. Entering into a relationship does not mean you snuff out all that you were prior to the relationship.

It's the couples, usually women, who lose all sense of themselves as independent people who bother me the most. Many of them never even realize that their way of thinking of themselves has changed until someone points it out to them. Language forms itself around your way of thinking of certain things, which is one good reason why there is such pressure to speak in a politically correct manner, such as using the term "police officer" instead of "police man" because women can be police officers too. When members of couples stop using the term "I" to refer to an opinion that they themselves hold I become worried. When the term "we" begins to immerse itself in the couple's language more so than the term "I" it becomes apparent that the members of the couple have stopped thinking of themselves as two individual people and now think of themselves solely as a single unit.

There are many cases where using the term "we" is acceptable, such as when you and your SO accompany each other to a place. "I'm sorry I couldn't call you back last night but we went to see a late movie." There are times when using the term "we" is worrying, such as when a woman starts to guide all her opinions on what both she and her SO think. "We didn't like that restaurant... We love walks in the park... We've decided to get this... We aren't interested in that." It becomes tiresome and irritating to ask an individual's thoughts only to have a "we" type of response. If someone wanted to know what both you and your SO thought then they would ask the both of you but if someone asks what you thought of something and you reply with "we thought"... *sigh*

I have seen many a person, usually female, succumb to the loss of individuality that accompanies a romantic relationship. It saddens me that some people I know don't feel whole unless they are romantically involved with someone else. A significant other does not fill a void in your life. There is no one who exists solely as your other half. You should be a whole independent person on your own and if someone happens along who complements you wonderfully then so be it. You are 100% complete as a single person.

My vow has been to never ditch a friend for a guy. To never exclude a friend because I am dating someone. To never make my friends uncomfortable to be around me when I am with a significant other. I do not want to partake in any sort of couple-y behaviour in public that sickens me upon seeing other people do it. My latest vow, that I made Andrea witness to last week, has been to never become one of those "we" people. When in doubt, I will use "he and I" in order to retain the concept of two individuals who choose to be together. I will retain my sense of self. Call me extreme or whatever you want. This is just the way my mind works.

*stupid link of the day* Barbie Intolerance Collection: imagine the reaction of some parents if Mattel was to release these dolls
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 11:21 a.m. | | permalink
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