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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Awkward things happen to me all the time. Last night was no exception. After work my training class decided to go to a bar to celebrate the last official day of our training. I work for an American company so we all get the 4th of July off. At first the bar was pretty fun. Everyone had a drink or two and we were all talking about nothing in particular and laughing. Plenty of good-natured jokes were being made and it was a nice atmosphere overall.

Then this guy Doug said he wanted to ask me something so I followed him outside of the bar to find out what it was. He was acting kind of shy and I thought he was going to say something about how he had a crush on our trainer, Dawn. Instead he tells me that he thinks I'm cute and that he likes me. The man is 40 years old! He's way closer to the age of my parents than he is to my age. I didn't really know what to say so I just kind of laughed it off and pretended that the situation wasn't extremely awkward. All of a sudden he stepped much closer and leaned in to kiss me. It happened so fast I barely turned my face in time. Once he realized he missed my mouth he asked "is it okay if I kiss you?" I guess he didn't get the hint the first time. It seems that even though he knew I have a boyfriend that didn't matter. Ugh! It was so creepy and awkward. Seeing him at work now is going to be weird. I'm just glad that I'll be leaving in September.

There's another guy who likes me as well but he's only a year older than me which is almost a relief. At least Brendan has never tried to hide the fact that he likes me so we can joke about it in a casual way. The harmless flirting doesn't really bother me because I already know what he wants. And he has never once made me feel uncomfortable or borderline sexually harassed.

Another two people I work with ended up getting very drunk and made plans to have sex with each other even though they both have significant others. And the guy is crazy about his girlfriend who he has been dating for about two and a half years. Why screw that all up just to get cheating out of your system (his words, not mine)? I hope he called her today to break up with her. I will never understand cheating nor could I ever do it. I'd feel too guilty. The guy, F, even had the nerve to ask me if me knowing that he is going to cheat on his girlfriend made me change my opinion of him. Of course it does! I thought he was a great guy. He's sweet, caring, funny, and he would phone his girlfriend every lunch break to tell her that he loved her. *sigh*

The whole "getting hit on" put a damper on my evening. It made me wish Joey was around, not so much so that he could have stopped it from happening, but it really made me realize how much I do miss him. I knew I did miss him (how could I not after not seeing him for like a month?) but I didn't pay attention to exactly how much. I am afraid I take him for granted sometimes and assume that he'll always be around. I don't want to do that. I just wish we lived in the same town so that I could have seen him when I got home last night. I needed a hug.

Now I remember why I was only making female friends while I was away at school. Why didn't I continue that trend while I was at work? I guess I just had to learn that lesson one more time. This is why I don't make friends with males.

*stupid link the day* Master Shake: what do bunnies look like when they're dreaming? It's the cutest little nose wiggles and mouth jiggles ever! If only I could catch my bun bun taking a snooze.
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 12:40 p.m. | | permalink
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