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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Too exhausted to enjoy the upcoming end of school year. Too sleepy to smile about "Ice Age: The Meltdown" coming out at the end of the month. Too withdrawn to be excited about my upcoming birthday (32 days to go).

My parents are horrible secret keepers and I can only be glad that I didn't inherit that trait from either of them. My dad spilled the beans about the puppies, my mom is always informing me of what my presents will be, like around Christmas time when she asked if I liked Hello Kitty because she bought me a pyjama set already. A couple days ago, while talking to my mom on the phone she asked me if I had purchased any movies recently.
me: no, why?
mom: because of your birthday.
me: so you already bought lady and the tramp, I take it? (she had asked me in Feb if I would be interested in getting the special edition release of the movie)
mom: yup. and the new harry potter too.
me: cool! I don't have any of the harry potter movies yet.
mom: none? hmm...

So, as you can see, I already know what I will be getting. Not that I'm complaining. I also need to ask for a black belt since the one I have is slowly falling apart.

As April draws closer and the workload piles higher, my motivational skills lessen. All I really want to do is to curl up in my bed with a good book and, if it was possible, snuggle with Pfeffer. It also helps that nothing has been going my way lately. I've never had anything lost in the mail before but, lo and behold, my T2202A form never made it from the post office to my mailbox so I've had to go and shell out 10$ to request another copy which I can pick up on Monday to mail to my parents so my mom can do the taxes. Yesterday, when I went to the student accounts office to say I hadn't received my form yet, the woman behind the desk looked at me like I was a nutcase to even so much as suggest that something could possibly have gotten lost in the mail. The woman I talked to today was much nicer and sympathetic.

I would love to have the chance to be completely and utterly used and abused by the boy but I don't seem to be able to put in any effort on my part into making that a reality. He's been having a rough time with life as well and is heading out to the bar tonight (possibly with his brother) to drink away the angry. I can only wonder if this will result in him phoning me at 3:00am completely intoxicated as he has done on more than one occasion in the past. Oh miss Scooter will be grumpy tonight when Daddy comes home smelling like rye.

My little world has been pretty dull as of late. Nothing interesting or out of the ordinary has been going on which leads to an unwillingness to post because I have nothing to say. Sure, I've been seeing friends, doing homework and playing with Pfeffer but none of that makes for any eyebrow raising. I could write some fiction but my creative spark has been somewhat dulled due to the mass of writing I've had to wring out of my brain for all these class assignments. I think part of this long span of the dulls is caused by the fact that it's March, the weather hovers around zero degrees Celcius and there's still some snow left on the ground. The grass is brown, the birds don't sing, the sun isn't bright and I'm still cold.

I need to make some time for hot hot sex. I need to make some time to get out and get some cute new underwear. I need to make some time to give Pfeffer some extra snuggles. I need to make some time to spend with the boy without feeling like there's a limit being set. I need to make some time to get organized. Hell, I need some time to make some time. 24 hours in a day seems like a lot but it's all too easy to realize it's nowhere near enough.

*stupid link of the day* Face Transformer: you can upload an image of yourself to transform your face into what you would look like as another race. I tried it and while I didn't look racially any different than what I do now, the results were just too hilarious to pass up.
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 3:18 p.m. | | permalink
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