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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Saturday, December 17, 2005

"Tuesday Fairy Tale" from Love Is A Cunt.

"Hold onto this," he said, handing me something dirty and cold.
I held onto that, and tried not to look at it so I wouldn't see how dirty my hand had become.
I watched him fix that stupid thing. It always broke at the most inopportune times. We never had the right parts to fix it, partly because everytime it broke, something different was wrong with it. And we lost the instruction manual years ago, although I don't even remember it coming with one.
He insists he knows what he's doing, though.
They always do.
Finally, he closed it up and put down his tools. He kissed me on the forehead, looking worried.
"What's wrong, dear?" I asked, my worst fears bubbling to the surface.
He looked me straight in the eye. "It's fixed, for now, but if it breaks again ..." His gaze fell downward as he wrung his hands nervously. "I don't think there'll be anything left to fix."
My green eyes turned to ice, and I tipped his head up to face me with my dirty hand. "Well, that's your department, isn't it?"
He nodded and started to get up, to turn away, like he always did when he was fighting his tears.
I got up, too, with no urge to comfort him this time. "I warned you at the beginning, dear. My heart can only take so much."
I walked away, comforted by its beating, but left to wonder how soon its last dance would end.

posted by BingoPajama

I thought this was written beautifully. It spoke to me. I am reminded of the feeling of heartbreak and the reasons it has happened to me. Relationships would be much easier if they came with instruction manuals. Would they be as rewarding then? No. Here's another salute to jumping off the cliff called "love". It's a long way down and I can only hope I never hit the bottom.

*stupid link of the day* Rent A Dildo: okay, I'm pretty sure that they would clean something entirely upon its return but I can't help screaming "EW" internally whenever I think of using someone else's used sex toys.
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 8:23 p.m. | | permalink
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