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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Friday, December 16, 2005

Rougher than you normally would, I want you to touch me. Your nails digging into my skin, scoring red lines of damage across my back and legs. I arch into the pain at the exact same time I move away. Your teeth biting my flesh, bruising it, breaking my skin. I want my hair pulled until I feel as though my scalp is tearing away. I want there to be tenderness tomorrow. I want to spend my day constantly cringing as I accidentally rub a sore spot, my smile curling up at the corners of my mouth when I remember what caused that twinge.

Honestly, you telling me you didn't want to hurt me disappointed me. There is a difference between "hurt" and "harm", my love. Where can I ever find the words to describe the sudden rush of sensation I experience when my sensitive nerves are over-stimulated by you? You biting my inner thigh may make me yelp and back away but that is just one of the reactions you see. On the outside I may not appear to enjoy it but my insides tell a whole different story. Bringing to the foreground those sudden feelings, that intensity, is something I crave.

I thrive on touch. You could drive me crazy, literally mad with lust, by giving me nothing more than the whispers of your caresses on my skin. The opposite ends of cold and hot, hard and soft, rough and gentle, are all feelings I react to. Have you never noticed how I enjoy it when you rake your nails down my spine, how I lean into your hand so that you end up pressing harder? Have you never seen me methodically pressing on a tender area where you've bitten me for the rest of the day?

I want to feel your touch on me hours after we've parted ways. I want the shape of your bite marking my body in lasting shades of blue, purple and green. I want my skin to be red and fiery so that the mere task of wearing clothing is enough to rub away my resistance. I want to look at myself in the mirror and be reminded of how many times you have made me yours.

When you hear squeals of pain and see this body retreating, I wish you would grab it and force it to submit to all you can give it. This body will take all you have and be willing enough for more. I want those tears to spring to my eyes. I want to be denied another option. I want for you to touch me. Will I remember it tomorrow?

[update] *contented sigh* He didn't even read this and yet somehow knew what I wanted. I hurt deliciously all over. There were times when I thought my skin would come off in his mouth. If only I hadn't killed the über-hot moment by having a painful muscle spasm in my neck. Stupid tensing up during orgasm... After a few giggles, the moment was found again. Now if only this neck pain would leave. The other yummy pains can stay though!

*stupid link of the day* index of Paris Hilton candid pictures: are these the supposed stolen photos from her Sidekick? Who knows?
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