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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Friday, July 15, 2005

Life isn't going the way I want it to at the moment. This week was hell, next week will be an even worse hell. 16 straight days of work. I am tired and it's only been 8 days. After next week, no more. I couldn't take it. The slut was "camping" this week so I wouldn't have seen him anyway but now I won't get to see him at all which makes me a not-so-happy little duck.
How I feel right now (x10 by this time next week)--> I hurt so much I cry
I want to curl up and go to sleep. I guess the only real reason I am forcing myself to make it through is that I need the money. Why does being a student automatically toss you into the poorhouse? On top of everything, I'll be getting my period come Monday and I can feel myself getting bitchier as the cramps start to kick in. I don't want next week to come at all.

I hope that somehow the slut can forgive me for not being able to see him next week. I'm sure he'll survive. I won't be in the best mood anyway. I would really like to see him (and I'm sure the feeling is mutual) but I do need money and then I will be a slightly less broke student. It shouldn't be too bad though because after next week, there'll only be one more week and a bit and he and I get to go to Brett & Leslie's damn wedding on the 6th (I don't wanna go!) and then August 12th is the oh-so-beautiful Green Day concert followed by an entire week stuck at a cottage with the slut's family on their vacation. I am afraid of the vacation. It'll be mommy-bonding time or something. Maybe I can just stay hidden for the entire week? Am extremely nervous.

Now, being a girl, I have to plan my outfit accordingly for this wedding. I am going to wear a black suit with a black shirt (choice is down to 2 shirts). I chose to wear all black because I won't know a single person at the stupid wedding and so I don't want to stand out and make anyone remember me. But how to do the hair and the make-up? Ugh, decisions, decisions. I really need to find a way to wear my hair up without having to get it done at a salon since I will have to do it myself. Dressing up for men is so much easier: shower, shave, suit, cologne, DONE. I need to go visit Leya at some point so I can try on "the trouble shirt" and possibly some shoes since I'm sick of everything I own. Yes, I could go buy something new but I don't want to invest anything into this wedding since I don't know the people in it. I am going to keep the slut company and for the open bar. ha ha I should get the address of the place and tell people I know to crash the wedding!
I wish next week was over already! Why does time seem to go by slower than a sloth-snail hybrid? I cry. why can't it all be over?

Just because I miss him... and since I have become that which I despise:

The slut and I are losers... Him moreso than me

*stupid link of the day* Everything Sucks: not so much "stupid" as "amusing". I just did a search for "everything sucks" because that's how I feel and this website is what I found. Read it if you're bored. It's a pretty good way to fill up the time and the empty void in your life. It made me crack a few smiles too.
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 4:54 p.m. | | permalink
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