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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

He's a little bit country, she's a little bit rock n roll. I've got the damn song stuck in my head and I've no clue as to why. I even downloaded it so now I hear Donny singing about how he's some rock n roll guy and Marie going on about how she's a little bit Nashville. Of course, the song makes me think of something else, like how the slut likes country music and how that kind of stuff makes my ears bleed.

Life has been a bit difficult lately. There are decisions to be made that will affect my future. Losing someone dear for perhaps gaining someone else dear. Love is a complicated thing and sometimes I wish I had never known it. It hurts. I wish I would know the outcome of whatever decision I make. I wish I could see into the future. I wish I could have things go my way for once in my life. I wish everyone would be okay and none hurt. I've never broken anyone's heart before. How would one deal with knowing you've done that to someone else?

Everything hurts and I can't do anything about it. Guilt overwhelms me. What is the right thing to do? Is there a right thing to do? Why can't I believe in second chances? People separate for a reason, there's always a reason. If someone doesn't screw up during the first chance, then there's no reason why that chance should be taken away. I hate decision making when someone gets hurt no matter what.

I really hope I'm making the right choice. I really hope that choice is worth it.

*stupid link of the day* RedVayne's Horse Rituals: ever wanted to be handfasted to your pet? If so, now you can.
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 2:39 PM | | permalink
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