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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

There's nothing quite like the unexpected. There's nothing quite like novelty. Doing something you've never done before. You're shy, nervous, not knowing how to react. You're stubborn and determined to win no matter what. I lost but it was well worth it and I had a lot of fun. I have a scratch on my foot that I didn't even notice at the time but stings a bit when I press it.

Supposedly she hates everyone but she didn't seem to mind me. She even kissed me on my bottom lip. I thought it was sweet. I would love to be able to spoil her rotten and play with her and gain her affections even more.

I have a bit of a competitive streak in me which was why I was a bit distraught when I lost the game. It was quite the battle too. If there's a next time, maybe I'll win. Maybe next time it'll be my turn anyway!

There will be a lot of head-butting and I am determined to come out on top. I want to see how much I can get before I give it all away to you. I want to know where your limits are so I can push and pull at them to see where it takes me. Only then will I be willing to surrender. I may even surrender to her too. She was there first anyway so it's only fair.

I guess I really am rather glad it all worked out. Of course, this doesn't mean that anything exists here as of yet. My cheeks hurt still. I keep making them hurt. I'm going to end up looking like the Joker. Will you come to challenge me once more? It's on, you know. I'm going to win. You're going down, bizatch, and I will catch you.

Being back home for the summer is awful. I hate being back under the parents' thumbs. I don't have a bedroom anymore and I'm rather upset about that too. Life just isn't fun for me right now. Today, I found out that kangaroos can't walk backwards. They're also the only mammal who can't walk. And to think, I thought all creatures with legs could walk. Hop hop hop hop hop...

Happy Birthday to me. I'm 22 now. I wish I was 4 years old again.

*stupid link of the day* Yagoohoogle: just another search engine but this one isn't quite pronounceable.
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