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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Saturday, March 26, 2005

I'm home for Easter weekend. It's very trying being back at home, even just for a few days. My parents are telling me that, once my dad is finished renovations my brother will be getting my room. Needless to say, I've got some objections to that. In my house, the three bedrooms are lined up in a row with mine next to the bathroom, my brother's in the middle, and my parents' facing the backyard. Both my parents and my brother snore very loudly (no joke there) and, to me, it seems stupid to put me, the incredibly light sleeper, in between the snorers. Also, why should I have to give up my bedroom? I may be away at school but, once I finish my undergrad, I plan on moving back home for a while to save money. That will only be another year or so and I don't think I should have to give up my room. My brother claims he wants a bigger room, but he is never in his room anyway. All he does is sleep in it and every other time he's either on the computer or out of the house. I don't see why I should have to be the one to get kicked out of my room.

Tomorrow, I get to go out to Vineland, which is on the ourskirts of St. Catharine's to go vist my aunt. She is having some sort of family get together at her house, which I find kind of odd since we don't have get togethers for Easter. And something about my cousin's birthday as well. I don't really want to go since all I ever do when we visit family is read a book. I'll have to bring my readings for Gender Issues and make all my notes while at my aunt's.

At Christmas time, I got bitched at by one of my aunts. She asked me what I was studying in school at the moment and I told her "sex". She got all flustered anf started yelling at me about how I wasn't to call it "sex" when it was actually "sexuality" I meant. I had to tell her that she was wrong because at that moment the last thing I had covered in a couple of my classes at school was sex, as in the doing it part. My classes as a whole were about sexuality but, right then we had been talking about sex so I answered correctly. Then, my aunt proceeded to tell me that it was entitled "sexuality" and that I didn't know what I was talking about. Maybe tomorrow I should just bring my book on sexual positions and read that in front of her!

My parents have gone out to grab a pizza for dinner as no one feels like cooking tonight since we'll be having a big Easter dinner tomorrow anyway. They took my brother to his girlfriend's house even though he told them her parents are away for the night. When I was in highschool, my parents wouldn't even allow me to have a male friend in my room with my door closed and my brother is allowed to be in his room, undisturbed, with his girlfriend for hours. I would never have been allowed to go to a boyfriend's house with my parents knowing that no one else would be home. Several times I have told my mom that I find this unfair and every time she tells me things are like this because I am a girl. This blatant display of sexism makes me angry. I don't think it's fair at all. My brother is allowed to get away with all kinds of things (sex, drugs, smoking) that, if I had done, I would have been in so much trouble for. My mom even buys him cigarettes. Has anyone else had this sort of problem with their parents when they were younger? I'm trying not to be biased here but it's really difficult when everything is so apparent. It bothers me very much.

Hopefully, tomorrow we'll get back from my aunt's place at a decent time and I'll be able to go to Andrea's and get out of here. I scream in frustration.

*stupid link of the day* ASAIO: need an artificial internal organ?
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