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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Monday, January 03, 2005

"Story of O". This post is about what I thought of the book and, if you haven't read it yet and want to, I suggest skipping this post as it might contain spoilers.

I received that book as a Christmas gift and started reading it right away as I was rather curious about it. The back of the book says that O's lover gives her psychological and sexual testing and I was very much looking forward to all the twists and turns he gives O's mind. I was disappointed. The book confused me mostly, leaving me with a billion questions. It starts out with O being taken to "Roissy" which seems to be a place where women are "trained" as slaves. I wondered about O's family and friends. Didn't they wonder where she went for a few weeks? She had a job as a photographer so what happened with that too? Didn't she object at all to René (her lover) suddenly taking her to Roissy without her knowledge? Even if she did want to be submissive for him, didn't she have any opinion on anything? I know I would certainly be a little iffy if my significant other whisked me away somewhere to stay for a few weeks. Especially since it was a place where I was immediately stripped naked and might be beaten/fucked on several occasions. And she went and stayed at Roissy and at Anne-Marie's for extended periods of time so, didn't anyone involved in her life inquire about her? It was like, outside of René, she didn't exist. But she had to have had a decent job since she could afford her house, even with Jacqueline living with her.

I didn't find the book to be very psychologically trying on O at all. The most that happened to her was that she was made to wait and wait before Sir Stephen (the man appointed to be her Dom by René) would summon her to do something. I mean, she did have to go through the whole piercing ritual, but that was about all that I found.

Also, I found the bit about Jacqueline's little sister, Natalie to be quite strange. I mean, she was so very young so why let her watch all of these things if they were going to bring her to Roissy when she was old enough anyway. It just seemed strange to me to let her see all of the sex acts and how they were performed.

The ending of the book I found to be rather disappointing. It just kind of... died. Even when O was taken to that party where she wore the owl mask and had people stare at her. It made me wonder why Sir Stephen would have ever wanted her at such a party since the people there were obviously not comfortable with a nude girl on a chain sitting in the corner. "Horror" and "contempt" were some of the words used to describe the look on a patron's face.

The most interesting thing I found was that, at Roissy, all the girls had their hands bound. That made me smile. But, other than that, I found the book confusing and it opened up more questions for me than it did answers. And, what about O's life? Didn't she have one? A lot of the things going on seemed very random to me. And O didn't seem to have much of a personality. She just went along with everything and didn't seem to question much. It was just lucky that she enjoyed what happened to her because, to me it seems that at Roissy, they didn't care if the girls liked what happened or not. People say that communication is key but, in this book, there didn't seem to be any at all. Once O got to Roissy, she kind of stopped seeing René at all.

As for Sir Stephen, didn't understand that either. O didn't seem to talk to him much. She really only was with him when he was using her. I don't understand how she could have developed such feelings for him. Maybe it had to do with the trust she had to give him? I'm not sure.

This book was one big confusion for me. I couldn't help thinking "but what about...?" Maybe I should go reread it to figure some of the things out, but I'm not sure if that would help. Maybe some of you could sort things out for me? Maybe you had a different reaction to this book? I'd love to hear about it. Thank you!

4 Gmail invites left. If they're not taken soon, I'm giving them to one of those websites that gives them away. Guess I only got my invites at the end of the Gmail craze. Yeesh!

If I were going to be a puppygirl, I'd be a...




You Are a Boston Terrier Puppy





Aggressive, wild, and rambunctious.
Deep down, you're just a cuddle monster.



Here's a couple pics of my new haircut. Yes, Tigereyes, it's still long enough for pigtails! I didn't get too much changed. About an inch got chopped off and I got it layered all over (sorry for those of you who don't know what layering is). I guess the closest celeb look would be that of Ashlee Simpson (when she's a brunette) as that's who I modelled the hairstyle after... but I can't afford the hair extensions like she can. Yes, I'm a knob like that, to copy someone else's hairstyle, but I think she's cute!
[ha ha, the blonde/orange streaks in my bangs just look like gaps in my hair in the pictures!]

my new haircut new haircut

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