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*contains some 18+ content* ©2002-2006 ***** feeling: [[amazon wishlist]] ****************************** [[home]] [[profile]] icon from NeoHacks ****************************** Liking [[home*runner]] [[a-jolie]] [[the ladder theory]] [[liac]] [[engrish]] [[emogame]] [[scaryduck]] [[kitta]] [[queer as folk]] [[care2]] [[amazing angelina]] [[go fug yourself]] [[smart]] [[the superficial]] [[ontd]] [[perez hilton]] [[cute overload]] [[fourfour]] Watching [[the l word]] [[miami ink]] [[antm]] [[what not to wear]] [[animal planet]] [[scrubs]] Reading [[sara douglass]] [[mercedes lackey]] [[stephen king]] [[jk rowling]] [[anne bishop]] [[douglas adams]] [[barb & jc hendee]] [[david & leigh eddings]] [[george rr martin]] [[jacqueline carey]] Comics [[something positive]] [[least i could do]] [[girly]] [[two lumps]] [[hello cthulhu]] [[savvie & lacey]] [[vg cats]] Animal Support [[ontario spca]] [[eviron can]] [[cfhs]] [[animal rights]] [[animal alliance]] [[cetfa]] [[zoocheck]] [[fota]] [[adlc]] [[click2donate]] Rabbit Stuff [[hrs]] [[rabbits refs]] [[herbs]] [[ont rabbits]] [[pine shavings]] [[bun owners]] [[house rabbits]] [[bklyn bunny]] [[rabbit care]] [[hopper home]] [[language]] [[disapproving rabbits]] [[buzzbase]] [[bunny lovers]] [[rabbit rescue]] [[bun yawns]] Breast Cancer Support [[bcsc]] [[cbcf]] [[cancercare]] [[obciep]] [[willow]] [[ccs]] [[cbcra]] [[pink ribbon store]] Using [[copyscape]] [[dynamic drive]] [[bravenet]] [[msg plus]] [[haloscan]] [[mess.be]] [[blogskins]] [[smilies]] [[putfile]] [[photobucket]] [[visual paradox]] [[youtube]] Listed On [[adult blogster]] [[erogs]] [[within reality]] [[iron gate]] [[botw]] ****************************** ****************************** |
I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me inspired by May*Star's journal: (Jan 18th, 5pm) Is it really that good to be so open and honest? Sure, it unburdens us, but is that unburdening selfish? Is it fair for us to tell all of our problems to someone else? Is it fair to place our lives on their shoulders? Yes, some may demand that and claim they enjoy it, but is it really fair? Is it fair that many bloggers choose to remain anonymous. They have fears of people finding out who they really are. Why do we feel we must keep our thoughts and our lives so private? Is the world really that bad of a place? Do we really know such awful people as these? Why would it be so bad to lose that anonymity? Why would some feel that losing it would mean losing their ability to write down whatever they want as well? Why is privacy such a big issue with humans? It seems that we only have select others that we choose to disclose to and, some of them we even hide parts of ourselves from. When did humans realize that to live in this world was to wear a mask? We can't even handle our own lives and yet we unburden ourselves upon select others? I, too, feel the need to sort out the thoughts in my head. Sometimes this weblog acts as a sounding board, sometimes it just acts as a place I can whine too so that I can feel pitied for a while, sometimes I need to yell and it serves as the place to fuel my anger. And yet, I still feel the need to censor some of my thoughts. When I decided to stop writing only about the mundane aspects of my life (as the first couple years of archives can attest to), I decided to try not to censor things. I think that decision lasted about two weeks. I still censor, I still guard, I still have walls up. I don't share everything, even with other anonymous bloggers, almost all of whom I've never met and most of whom I have a very slim chance of ever meeting. Why do I stil care what you may think of me? Why do people claim to know people they read about online? I know I'm not the only one who has received random e-mails or instant messages asking for things I would never readily give out. What drives someone to think that I would be ready to randomly have cybersex with a complete stranger? Why do I feel that the more I put out here on this weblog, the more power I am relinquishing to the vast expanse of the internet? I could get lost out there. The internet has an unbelievable amount of power and it could be used against me at any time. There are hackers who could track my IP, dig up my passwords, steal my pictures and my writing, read my e-mail, and many other things. There could be someone who might find out where I live and show up at my doorstep expecting things from me. There could be people that I know personally reading this (and I know there are at least a few who do and don't comment) who might take something I say the wrong way and decide to slander my name amongst my friends. I know there are more people I know in real life who read this than have told me and it makes me nervous because I don't know for sure who is. I've been able to block a few IPs from commenting, but am unable to stop them from reading and I wonder what it is they think. Would it have been better to remain anonymous? Would it have been better if I had kept this weblog focussed on a student's life? If I had, I would never have *met* some of you wonderful people out there whose lives I have become addicted to. Would it have been better if I had never posted any pictures? Would it have been better if I hadn't even used my name? Would it have been better to have kept a journal in a book instead of online? There is no right answer here. There never will be. I give up some power everytime I hit "publish" in this damn thing. I give up some power everytime I ask for help with a problem. I give up some power everytime I let someone into my heart. How much do I have left to give? How much will I have ended up giving away in the end? How much is too much? How much is enough? Am I even the one who chooses what and when to give that power away? Am I really the one who chooses? And, to close it off, this lovely essay titled "Exposed Nerve". *creepy link of the day* Cannibalism FAQs: ever wanted to know how to properly spit a woman while keeping her still alive? Um... here ya go. (Hoo boy, more freaky search engine referrals will result from this. As if I haven't gotten enough already.) JeN's mind ejaculated @ 1:30 a.m. | | |
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