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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Thursday, November 04, 2004

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I do not know how exactly to tell you how I feel for you. I am certain of what I feel for you and to the extent that I feel it. How to make you realize my emotion? I could write you a poem, but you do not care to read. I could draw you a picture, but you would not care to keep it. I could buy you a gift, but you would not care to accept it. I could tell you the words, but they will only get repetitive. I could bake you a cake, but you might not be hungry. I could tell you a joke, but you might not find it funny. While you are not near me right at this moment, I have to think of a way to let you know how I feel. You are not here right now and this is when I want to tell you that I love you. Why can't you be here right this second? I'm sure that when I do see you I will still want to share with you how I feel, but I want to get it out right this very moment. The moment when you aren't around. I know I will see you soon enough, but soon isn't good enough for me now. How can I let you know what I feel while you are far away from me (so it's really not that far, but it seems like the other side of the world to me right now). Perhaps I shall write you a song. There are so many other people who could do a much better job than I ever will, but I will try to write you a song. Music is a part of everyone's lives and so, maybe you will be able to relate to it more than you could a poem since not everyone likes poetry. Everyone likes at least some music and, if I can write you a song to let you know how I feel about you, then all the better. Will I be able to properly capture my emotion? I do not know how to write music and I do not want to make you cringe when you hear it. That would be the worst. Even if it was bad, would you be able to appreciate the effort? I want to do something for you! You let me into your life and you let me love you. Now, let me give you something back since you have already given me so much. "What can I do to make you love me? What can I do to make you care? What can I say to make you feel this? What can I do to get you there?" (the Corrs). I need to find a way to let you know. What will that way be? I have no idea. The things that I have tried so far have been unsuccessful for you are unlike any other I have ever known. I will make you my special one. I know that I will find something for you. You are worth it and I am worth it too.
P.S. Linz is back online! She's stealing all my shiznit, but I don't really care. What up, beeatch?

Lucky bastard. You're CATcrazy: you can do pretty much anything you like, everyone still loves you.
Fucked up, any?
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