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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

When I am with you, all I ever want to do is give myself to you completely. I trust you to take care of me and to not harm me in a way that would affect me permanently. I know that you make mistakes and I am willing to sacrifice myself unto them for you. You will take care of me and make the right decisions for the both of us. You will let me have an opinion and let my opinion affect your decision, but you will have the final say in everything we share. I will have my independence. Through you, I will be able to fully be myself. Through you I will be able to fly higher than I have ever been. You will be my rock and you will ground and centre me. Without you, I will be out of control. I will want to do all that I can to please you. Everything I do will be for you. If you are ever disappointed in me or displeased with me, that will be my biggest punishment. I will live to make you happy. I will not live to serve, but I will live to be. I will be my own person who can make her own choices, but ultimately, I will be yours. I will belong to you. You will mark me as your property so that no one else can claim me. I will revel in those marks and I will cherish them with all that I am because they are yours. I will be yours to use as you will and I will enjoy having you use me for your pleasure. My pleasure is your pleasure. What you need, I will try to give you. You may command me to do as you wish and I will do your bidding because I trust that you would not make me do something that will harm me or those around me. When I am with you, all I ever want to do is give myself to you completely. When I am with you, I am yours to take as you will. Why can't I be with you now? Without you, I am not sure what to do. In the meantime, I go on living my life, making myself a better person so that, when you finally come to claim me as yours once and for all, I will be ready for you and you will be pleased with me. When you come for me, I will be ready. When will you come?
P.S. there is a big housefly buzzing around my room and it is annoying the hell out of me. why can't it find its way out the door?

*stupid link of the day* the Picard Song: everyone's favourite Star Trak character now sings!
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 10:54 p.m. | | permalink
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