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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

I need you here. I need you here to make love to me. Tenderly, lovingly, slowly. I need to feel you touch my skin ever so delicately like I am the most fragile lace that may shatter with your very breath. We've drifted apart and I feel that you are not willing to do anything to put us back together. When was the last time I saw you? The real you. The one I could have made love to all night long. You used to love me too. You used to spend time with me. We used to laugh together. I miss those times. I feel so alone without you now. Even though you're not with me physically, I feel apart from you emotionally. You've gone so far away and I am not entirely sure if I will be able to find you again. I want to find you. I am floundering in an ocean of despair and all I want is for you to point me in the right direction so that I may make my way back to you. Could you do that for me? I understand that I have to get to shore on my own, but I just need some sort of reassurance. Just a hint of what used to be. I want to do right. Have I ever done right by you? I need to know that to find my way again. I do not want you to feel that, by giving me direction, you will be pulling me to shore. That's not it at all. I just need a bit of guidance so I may find the right path. I don't want to drown out here alone. If you cared, you would help. I can't do this alone. I need you. I need your help. I am not too proud to admit that I need your help.
I need you here. I need to be reminded of what was once there. I want to smell you. I want your flavour on my tongue. I want your body pressed against mine, warming me against the numbness of despair. I don't want to despair. I will if you leave me here. I can't fight this all alone. I can't have you there beside me while I do, but I do need you to shine the light into the dark so that I may see if I am on the right path. Once that light is there, I will be able to follow it. Without you to shine the light, I will wander around. Lost. I can't find a way back on my own. Please help me. When was the last time I pleased you? When was the last time I made you smile? I crave the feedback that you never give. Without it, I feel like a failure. I am a failure. I have failed you already. You are drifting and I cannot grab your hand to pull you back. Do you even want me to pull you back? You liked when I fought to keep you here. I would still fight for you, you know.
I need you here. I need us to make love. I need a connection with you. Any kind. I need to kiss your soft lips, your strong body. I need you to hold me and fill me. I need a reminder of what used to be. How can something that was once so good turn so bad? What happened? If you ever want what used to be to be again, you would help me. You would know that I can't do it alone. I can't have you do it for me, but I can have you support me. I need your assistance. Please don't leave me to drown on my own. This thing is so vast that I am not sure where to start. I don't know where to turn. I need you to tell me what once pleased you. I could do that once. I never knew what it was for you never told me that it did please you. All I ever knew was what didn't please you. I need that positive feedback so that I can find those things again. I need your help with this. It's not possible for me to do it alone. If you think that I can do it alone, you are very wrong. If you expect that I can do this alone, then you will ultimately end up drifting too far away for me to ever have a chance at finding you again. Give me a starting point. Give me a map. Give me a sign. Give me a chance. Give me a clue.
I need you here. It's too much to struggle with by myself. Do you even think I will succeed? Tell me where I once succeeded with you. That will be the map I will use to guide my way back to you. Back to me. Back to us. I was once your world. I am polluted. Don't you think that you should help the world you once lived on get back to her once pristine state? I need you here. I need your help.
I’m waiting for you/I know you're leaving/I still adore you/You never need me

Hold On - Limp Bizkit
You keep your distance,
I can’t deny you.
I got the feeling, can’t satisfy you.
I got your picture on the wall.
I got the picture while I’m gone.
You keep your wishes,
I’ll keep my feelings.
There goes along the one that kept me breathing.
I’m waiting for you,
I know you're leaving.
I still adore you.
You never need me.

[chorus]
Hold on.
I’ve found another way to let you go, away.
Hold on.
You’ve find another way to play my soul, away.

The things you told me,
To hear you speak.
I’m burning slowly,
I’m growing weak.
You bring me close to, yes, the day,
Yes the day’s a million miles away.
Why can’t you hear me?
Why can’t I see you?
And I don’t understand what keeps me breathing.
I’m waiting for you.
I know you’re leaving,
I’ll still adore you,
You never need me.

[chorus]

Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.


HASH(0x883580c)
You're a REGULAR FRANKIE FAN! The show is a fun
part of your well-balanced life. You know a few call-lines and probably a couple of dances. It's probably fun to watch your virgin friends' jaws drop in horror during the show.
What type of Rocky Horror Picture Show fan are you?
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