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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Friday, August 27, 2004

Tonight is Steph's 21st birthday party (the actual day is tomorrow) and I am supposed to go to her house for pizza. I forgot to ask for directions. I've only been there twice and I don't remember how to get there at all. Maybe Mailiis knows and I can get a ride with her. Anyway, we're all supposed to go for pizza and to hang out. Then another friend suggested that we go to the Edge (a crappy club here in Ajax) and people agreed. I, however, refuse to set a foot in that place and so, I am going to the party for pizza and then heading home. Steph said she didn't really want to go to the Edge either so, if she doesn't go, then the two of us will hang out while everyone else can party it up in the shitty highschool reunion club and get hit on by dirty 30-year old men. I got called "not fun" because I didn't want to go to the Edge. How am I not fun because there is one place I don't want to go? Name any other club with dancing and I wil gladly go. I just don't want to be in a place filled with 19-year old whores and guys who will touch me and grind on me and where I know practically everyone in the place. All I really need is a club where the guys don't automatically assume that because a girl makes eye contact with them it means she wants to grind. Some of us girls (i.e., me) don't do that. I think the whole concept of grinding, which I like to call "dry humping in public", is disgusting and I hate going dancing and seeing it being done around me. Even more so when I go dancing and it is my friends who are doing the dry humping. It makes my stomach roll. Why would you want to bump crotches with a complete stranger? I mean, just because said stranger is "hot" does not give them the right to touch you all over. Yeah, you may want them too but, hey, if you're horny, take them into the bathroom and have the dry humping be done with. I like to dance. I don't like to be gawked at while I dance. No, I don't whore it up to go out, but I do like to look nice. You know, show a little skin, add a little sparkle. But when guys stand there and stare at you, it makes me self-conscious and feel a little dirty (not in a good way). I feel like a piece of meat and I hate that feeling. Most girls don't stand there with our mouths hanging open oggling some random guy. I hate being stared at. I hate when strange guys try to touch me. I hate when strange guys assume that, since they are within a mile of my body, it is okay for them to dance with me. I hate when strange guys rub their crotches against me trying to get me to grind with them. I don't care if they are good-looking or not; where are the boys who ask you if you'd like to dance? Where are the boys who know how to dance without making crotch contact? Where are the boys who would be glad to hold my hand? Where are the gentlemen? I'm no lady, but I at least want to be treated like a person who can think for itself. Shouldn't I have the right to choose who gets to touch me sexually and who doesn't? I will not be harrassed or assaulted on the dance floor and I am not afraid to let a guy know how I feel about the way most people dance in the 2000s.
All I want to do is dance.

*stupid link of the day* Toogle: the text version of Google. Search for something here (I searched for "Angelina Jolie" of course) and you get a cool ascii version of a picture. Another search suggestion for the women: Brad Pitt.
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 2:38 p.m. | | permalink
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