Sunday, March 07, 2004

I went into Debbie's room a little while ago and she was crying after being on the phone with Josh. She told me she was crying for a stupid reason: that she realized she was getting bored with him. She said she still likes him and wants to see him all the time but she was getting bored with knowing what he was thinking all the time and always having the same problems. Understandable, since they've been together for over a year now. I told her that she was probably now entering the stages of companionate love after being in the stages of passionate love (thank you to Sternberg's Triangle Theory). Passionate love is when you have passion + intimacy, but no commitment. So, I suppose it's like when you first start dating and everything is new and fun and fresh. After being with the same person for a while, you get to know them and to know what to expect from them, n'est-ce pas? Companionate love is intimacy + commitment, but no passion. The flames have to die down at some point. You can't be screwing like rabbits all the time. I tried to tell her that companionate love is a good thing. It is! It means a deeper bond and it is longer-lasting than passionate love. But, I guess she is young and maybe you shouldn't be with the same person for such a long time. I guess you should test the waters or whatever and see what is out there. We're too young to be acting like married couples now!
Okay, I know that back in tha day, women were married and mothers before 20 years of age all the time, but "the times they are a-changin'", to quote Bob Dylan and, indeed, it is true. Now, women may not even get married at all. Of course, marriage in many societies now is based on love/passion and, when that dies, so does the marriage. People don't seem to want to put any sort of effort into what is supposed to be a lifelong commitment anymore. Don't wedding vows have any sort of meaning to anyone now? People don't seem to want to put any effort into keeping a marriage together anymore. I know things will get rocky at some point but, why do so many people give up when they get there? Arranged marriages work out better than the ones where people "fall in love". People who are in love get married at the hugh point of their "love" feelings and, after the wedding, where is the love level to go? Down. People in arranged marriages don't know each other before their wedding so, when they are now married to each other and getting used to each others' presence, where is the love level to go? Up.
I know that there are some arranged marriages that totally don't work at all (i.e., one of the partners turning out to be a horrible human being or something like that) but, many of them do work. That's something to say considering that the divorce rate in the United States is 50%. I don't know what it is here, I think it's at about 1/3 of marriages divorce. But, with us being the US' "backyard", we'll probably end up just like them sooner or later anyway. Now, that's a whole different rant. Canada vs. US...
Well, I know I'm not ready to get married yet (even though I have my wedding dress planned already... ha ha, thank you, Peach Berserk). I still think I'm too young for marriage. I want to finish school. I want to start a career. I want to be settled with ME before I decide to include someone else permanently into my life and I'm just not ready to think about any of that right now. I don't even want to date. What does that say? ha ha ha Um, not that people really "date" anymore anyway but, you know what I mean. I want to be secure with myself before I can be married to someone else. And, hopefully, if (when?) I do get married, it will not end in divorce. I want to try. Unlike most couples these days. JeN's mind ejaculated @ 11:59 p.m. | | permalink