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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Thursday, January 29, 2004

I'm home alone. Debbie's gone to tae kwon do (I think). Today has been a contemplative day. I blame that on my lack of sleep. Whoever makes exams at 8:30 in the morning should be shot. Anyway, now onto my thoughts before I lose my train of thought. It's about people who want others to be honest with them. I can't understand how some people say that they want other people to be honest with them and then not be prepared to accept criticism. I am fully aware of my faults and, although I don't really want other people to point them out, am prepared to hear them. Now, if you're not ready to hear what's wrong with you, then don't ask people to be honest with what they think of you because you'll only get hurt. If you know you'll get hurt after hearing something negative about you, then why do you say you're prepared to hear it? Just because someone sees something wrong with you (something that you may or may not see in yourself) it doesn't mean you're being attacked by that person. If someone cares for you, they won't attack your personality. I'm pretty sure that if they care for you, then they must like you and therefore wouldn't attack who you are as a person. Attacking is something you do to an enemy (i.e., someone you don't like who probably doesn't like you either). Lashing out is something people do when they're angry. Usually, when you are angry, you don't think about what you're saying before you say it. You just say whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment, even if it's not entirely truthful. All you want to happen is to have the person you are anfry at be in as much pain as you are in. Then, somehow they might realize how much you are hurting. You aren't exactly consciously hurting the other person on purpose. It's just that you want them to feel the way you feel. When someone is angry, they say things they don't mean. It doesn't mean that they care any less. Anger makes people rash. You have to understand that...

update: I changed the url to this blog. it's now maybejustonce as you know because you're reading it. It used to be bacchusnight and well, now it's not. However, since I changed the url my archives don't work anymore, but they work under the archive index for bacchusnight so, I've redirected everything there. I wonder what went wrong?
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