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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Friday, July 04, 2003

Wow, Blogger certainly looks different now. It's all updated and confusing. I'll just have to get used to it. Well, last Saturday, Leya had a party cuz her parents were away (they come back today actually). It was really fun. My memory of the whole night is fuzzy but she hardly remembers anything. *giggles* I made a CD for her party, which I though was pretty good but it turns out I got a lot of complaints about the songs on it. I tried to put at least one song from every music type on there. A lot of my friends listen to rock songs, but do you know how few rock songs there are that you can actually dance to? Anyway, I didn't see anyone else who had offered to make a CD so really they had no right to complain. A song would come on and it was immediately "what the hell is this?" Sorry, people but I wanted to dance and in order to do that, I had to get music you could dance to so if it's not your type of music then don't listen to it. It was a freakin' party and at parties people dance! I'm also quite annoyed with other people. Three to be exact. 1) For Leya's sake, Sean: for saying he would come to her party and then never showing up. If he had known he couldn't make it, why didn't he so much as call? The asshole... 2) Cam: for being a huge hypocrite. The whole time he's been with Sarah, Leya and I have been telling him we don't like her (can you get anymore direct than "I don't like your girlfriend?"), but even so, he would flirt with us. It was all in good fun. And, I must say, yes I would flirt with him even if she was around, but he would always flirt back so it wasn't like it was completely one-sided. Now, all of a sudden, since he seems to finally realize that Leya and I really don't like Sarah, he said we were disrespectful and all this other crap. He hardly said two words to me the whole night! Howcome that if he figures out we don't like Sarah, then all of a sudden, Leya and I are the bad people and he is sweet innocent Cam? Where does he get that from? I mean, if he had never flirted from the beginning then, yeah, I could understand that but, why all of a sudden now? Hypocrite... 3) Kevin Harron: who keeps trying to talk to me and doesn't seem to realize that I don't want to talk to him. All a conversation ever ends with is awkward silence after like four sentences. How much of a moron can you be? Anyway, the reason I've decided I hate him is cuz he is making me the sweeper of his eggshells. Let me explain this better, he makes something bad happen, and turns to other people to make himself feel better. The example being, he knew I was angry with him when he dumped me and tries to unburden himself and once I agree to talk to him again, he stops talking to me. So, it's like, once he knew everything was okay with me, he felt no other need to do anything. Man, I hate that kid. I want to stab a fork into his eyeballs (I would stab it into his heart but he doesn't have one). There is a really embarrassing story to all this... At Leya's, I met this guy, Marcus (I think that was his name... memory is fuzzy), who was one of Aleem's friends. We were hitting it off and it was like 1:00 am by that time so I didn't think Kevin was gonna show up to Leya's. Then he did. And now the embarrassing part, I started crying. I have NO idea why. All I know is I got really upset because he showed up. Anyway, to make along story short, I locked myself in the bathroom until I had calmed down and the next thing I know, Marcus (man, I hope that was his name) had left. Damn, damn, damn. I'm probably never gonna see him again. Awell... That was my story. Well, I'm gonna go now. I wanna go swimming before Lauren calls. We're gonna hang out once she gets home, which should be in a little less than an hour, and she's gonna tell me all about prom with Seanny boy.
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