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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

I am currently finding life to be very frustrating and confusing. I called Nat last night cuz I haven't spoken to her in a long time as I have been rather busy with exams and whatnot. She is doing well and is also super-busy, like most university students would be, I assume. She told me she hung out with Kevin a few days ago and that he told her that he didn't know why I wasn't talking to him. Ha ha ha ha! Also, that he said he still loves me. Again, ha ha ha! What the fuck, man? If he does, as he seems to say, he does a pretty funny job of showing it. He hasn't even made so much as an attempt to talk to me and I'm sure he knows I'm mad. Luckily, Nat told him she doesn't blame me for my reasons. Yay Nat! :) Well, I can't exactly say he hasn't made any attempt to talk to me cuz when Will was on his way up here last weekend, he messaged me and asked if Will was here yet (although my screen name said "Will's on his way") and I said "no, not yet" and that was that. He didn't respond or anything. He told Nat that when he says hi to me all I do is say hi back. That's usually what I do when someone says hi to me anyway! WTF?! Arg, the boy frustrates me. :( I am trying to study for my final tomorrow night but all these thoughts from the conversation I had with Nat keep running through my head. I can't concentrate on my work. I need to think for I have to know 15 chapters and then some. It's too much! One more thing, Andrea's b-day is on the 20th and I don't know what to get her. I could get her "alcamahol" but that's so impersonal and we've been good friends since gr 9 so I want to get her something nice (and that doesn't cost too much $$ cuz I am going broke). I have her Christmas present already and now I am out of ideas. Lauren and I are supposed to go to the T-dot on Saturday to find a present for Seanny boy (Lauren's bf) so maybe I will find something for Andrea there. So much stuff to think about! I just wanna go home and curl up in my bed and not think about anything for a long time. Stupid "people", making my life miserable. I wish I was a lesbian just so I wouldn't have to deal with all this boy bullshit. They make me so upset and I don't know what to do. I hope he doesn't end up going to Andrea's party cuz I really don't want to see him and I can't tell Andrea to uninvite him cuz that's just rude. I hope I don't see him when I go home this week. That would suck royally. I wouldn't know what to say or do and I'm pretty sure he'd try to talk to me. Perhaps I shall just have dreams involving creative ways in which I can kill him tonight while I am sleeping. Him and Sean (not Seanny boy, Lauren's bf). I should get back to work or else I won't know anything for the final. GRRR!
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 8:50 p.m. | | permalink
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