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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Friday, November 15, 2002

Well, this past week has been absolute shit!!!!! I had my psych midterm and I don't think I did that well. I hadn't even read over all the information that was given and, again, I only got three hours sleep. I hope I did alright. I know I did pretty good on the short answer section cuz I only wasn't sure about three questions, and even those I think I might get half marks for. The multiple choice was a different story. I didn't know a lot of stuff on there. I also got a midterm back yesterday (sex class) and I only got 56. Cassie got 60 so neither of us are very happy. We had both gotten 80 on the first one and this one was worth more of our mark. Now for the even shittier part of my week: on Tuesday, Kevin broke up with me. He couldn't even call me to do it. It happened over MSN. And he had absolutely no right to do it either! And, I am in the right for once in my life on this, he said it was cuz he couldn't be with someone he never saw but, the problem is, he never tried to talk to me. Not once did he call me. He didn't e-mail me either. I mean, he could have died and I would have had no idea. Why did he want to end things if he never even put in the effort? Am I just not worth the effort? Is there someone else? Fuck him... His birthday is on Monday and now I regret having gotten him anything. I'm not gonna call him to wish him a happy birthday, and he probably won't even notice that I didn't either. I'm also giving Will his X-Mas present. Luckily, he's going to Kingston with Will this weekend so I won't have to be in the same town as him. And, what's funny is he asked me if we could still be friends! Ha ha ha... I don't think I can seee that happening anytime soon. Leya is also back this weekend cuz her grampa died :( She's staying all week and, since she only told me today, I don't know if I'll have a chance to see her this weekend cuz I'm all booked up. I have to book my friends into my schedule when I come home. That's sad. I have to go to French in 45 mins and I don't want to go. Everytime I miss that class it gets easier to do it next time. I went to Fed last night and it was pretty fun except for the fact that so many people were grinding (Antonia and Simon) and it was really sickening to see that everywhere. I can't stand it when people do that. Also, the dj played too much rap/hip-hop so I wrote on the "request sheet" for him to play some dance and he did (for a little bit)! Tonight, after I leave from watching "Death To Smoochy" with Kevin D and maybe Tim and Nat, I'm gonna go into my bed, curl up and cry. I feel rather numb right now and I know I'll end up feeling a lot worse by the time I start thinking about the whole Kevin thing again. I can't believe he did that. The asshole. Couldn't even do it on the phone. Anyway, I'm making myself sad so I'll stop writing now.
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