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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Wednesday, November 27, 2002

Okay, it's official: Life Is Crap. I have been so depressed lately because of so many things (i.e. school, Kevin, Sean, etc) and now I just found out some really really bad news. My dog has to be put down. He's too sick and all the medications he's been on aren't helping so, on Sunday, I'm asking Will if I can come back to Ajax with him so I can say good-bye to Buddy. Why does my life have to be such shit right now? I can't handle this anymore. And I went to the library with Catherine tonight to do research for our PoliSci papers and we didn't find a single thing. The books we could have used were all either in Guelph or at the Laurier library and we can't go to Laurier cuz their library is having rennovations and no one can go in. I wish my dog wouldn't have to die! Why is all this crashing down on me right now? Am I not under enough stress as it is? When Will gets here I am going to cry on his shoulder for a long time. I prolly won't though. Instead we're prolly gonna get nice and drunk and that won't even be that good for me cuz alcohol is a depressant and that'll make me feel worse than I already do. Why can't Ryan be online? I want to talk to someone! Ryan and I have been talking more since he got a working computer and it's nice cuz it's making us closer. My foot is asleep; pins & needles. I am quite depressed and I don't know what to do about it or how to make myself feel better. Shit... This is just awful. :*( I don't even know what else to say except that I don't want to have to say good-bye to my doggy. I love him too much. He was my first doggy ever; my 11-year long wish. I don't want him to leave and I don't care if I'm being selfish by saying that. I'm too sad to write more...
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