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my thoughts

I can't believe that what I feel is really happening to me
Make it hurt
And point the finger at my insecurities
Well I guess I just don't understand about those complexities in your mind
And I guess I just don't understand why this world seems so unkind
Maybe just once I get what's coming to me.

**"Maybe Just Once" - Nine Inch Nails**

Thursday, September 23, 2004

I don't like to do group assignments, especially with a bunch of people I don't know very well/at all. At least the group assignments I have to do this year will all have something to do with sex. In one of my groups, we might be doing the topic of "the history of contraception' and in my other group, we might be doing 'power exchange over the history of dating'. Guess I find comparing way back when to the present day interesting. In the class where I may be doing the dating topic, the subject of the course is "conflict, crisis and dissolution in relationships" and the assignment topic my group has chosen falls under the 'power' category. I asked my prof if I could maybe do something about S&M relationships because that is all about consenting power exchange. To me, it seems that when people mention power exchange in relationships, they seem to think of it as a bad thing. Such as in abusive relationships. So I thought that researching about something where power exchange is good and expected would be interesting and maybe touch on some subjects that no one else in the class would. Well, the prof seemed to like my idea but he said he'd have to think about it. I know the class is supposed to look at the darker side of relationships, like abuse and divorce, but couldn't S&M fit in there at least a little bit? I am really hoping that he will accept my idea because I find it interesting and I know that if I find my topic interesting, I will do a better job on the research. And S&M partners can be dating partners too. I kind of started research already (in hopes that my prof will say yes) and I signed up on already. It was pretty pointless because they don't keep many articles in their archives section and the site seems to be more focussed on people meeting people, which I am not interested in. I did find a few articles about erotic power exchange via Google that I am pretty sure I could use in my assignment. Hold your thumbs for me, dolls! And, not only could I do research for my assignment, but I could double it up as also doing research for my own personal use. The idea of BDSM (bondage & discipline, domination & submission, sadism & masochiasm) intrigues me. Especially the SM part. I could very easily be a dom (or "domme", if you prefer), but I would have to learn to become good at it first, but I think that I would rather be a sub. There's just something about surrendering to someone and not knowing what they are going to do to you that appeals to me. Of course, I am nowhere near as extreme as some of these people. I don't think that I could take even half as much pain as some people can. I just think it would be interesting to sort of get into. Hey, you can't have missionary sex for the rest of your life. I think I would shoot myself first... or better yet, become a lesbian! I wish. Oh, no, BD and SM are not the same thing! Bah, that irritates me.
P.S. "Didjital Vibrations" by Jamiroquai sounds kinda like porno music. Man, I don't care, I love this album ("Travelling Without Moving") anyway!
out of focus goodness (Sept 23rd '04)

*stupid link of the day* Deep ASCII: you know that classic porno "Deep Throat"? Well, here it is done up entirely in ascii text. I watched it for maybe five-ten minutes but my eyes couldn't handle it and it was difficult to figure out what was happening right away.
JeN's mind ejaculated @ 5:01 p.m. | | permalink
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